When I was pregnant I read a savage truth which stated that from the moment your baby is born you will be learning the lesson of letting them go. I hated this. I have been an anxious person and my way of protecting myself from the evils of the world is to gather. I gather friends, health fads and thoughts to create security, a stable life and I keep things the same and safe, with me. Where I can control it all.
This is a futile aim, one which is impossible in this world, this life cannot be controlled. Amazing and awful unexpected things will happen, your children will grow up and go out into the world and life will roll on. This want to control all is good for no one, it’s too hard for me and must be stifling for those around me.
I have sat beside a lot of sadness over the last few months. Every part of me wants to drop everything and help, grab a blanket and some tea and say whatever you need I will make you better. But that is not the solution, I can sit and listen and hold space but a person needs to heal themselves. I can make meals for my children but I would do better to teach them how to cook. And friends may stay sad and kids may only eat burnt food at first but I think, given support and not control they will find their own way to better things.
In this new attitude that I am very much practicing rather than mastering I have found a huge amount of joy. I have found space to not worry about things that I cannot and should not control and in that space I have found strength to hold people without crumbling alongside them, grace to watch without medalling and faith that the person and the world will work things out all by themselves.
I have also found space in my days to notice the small things. After such a wet grey spring, the oaks have started to sprout, we have frogspawn and baby newts in the pond and seeds in the kitchen. I am counting the small things and waiting to see what happens next…
Rewilding my family 