Before I type anything this box says ‘Start Writing’. I usually ignore it but today it seems like a little bit of guidance, don’t think about it just start writing. This is probably a good thing as my brain is not working in any sort of logical manner right now.
The last week has been a lot. Work was so busy last week, the kid’s so demanding, the weather so grey that I reached my limit, screamed, hit a door and then went to lie down. This is not acceptable behaviour for a 34 year old (or anyone really). I just needed to get it out. When it was gone the tightness in my throat, the headache, the stomach churn was gone and all was quiet. I made a promise to myself never to let myself get that stressed again without any idea of how to keep that promise.
Over the last week I have been attempting a free course from commune and one of the sessions was by a spiritual teacher called Preethaji a beautiful woman with a lesson on universal intelligence. She said something like “once you have given something enough thought, if you still don’t have a solution, let it go and give it to a universal intelligence”. So I did and then yesterday at 2:30 my husband phoned me. ‘There is a small patch of woodland for sale in the village you grew up in and I think we should buy it, I have applied for the loan and I’m going to see it now’. I phoned a solicitor and 2 hours later our offer was accepted.
The few sentences above are the facts and they are simple but the feelings, they are deep and complex and happy and joyous and sad and tender. I have the opportunity to return home to the place where I grew up, a place that I truly love but also a place that we were forced to leave. Losing the only home I had ever known still brings a tear to my eye. I have to let this go. Returning to this place sounds completely counter intuitive as I am typing but feels so right. It is a place that is as much a part of me as my parents, a place that I need to return to to make peace with.
I have my wonderful husband and 2 gorgeous children now, my life is completely different and I am different too. I want to make peace with this place, enjoy it, feel it and just sit in it again. I want my children to to experience the magic of the forest, the silence and the beautiful darkness away from streetlights.
I am currently on a train on my way back from London and I need to go and see it before we sign any paperwork so, I am going to get off the train get in the car and go and see and feel and breath and start something new, something old again.
Rewilding my family 